As many of us celebrate the Easter holiday today, I thought it would be interesting to write a few of my own parables to go along with the others.

A parable can be considered a short story-more of a teaching aid-that highlights a much larger truth. They might not make sense to someone who isn’t trying to make sense out of it, in other words. Does that make sense?

I’m sure you’ll not have a problem understanding the deep messages masked within the parables below. Feel free to offer your own parables in the comments below.


Have a great Easter holiday.

“Bergamot & Tonka Bean”
Jesus told his disciples the following:There was a fragrant citrus fruit the size of an orange who was ordered to appear before the king. He was a sweet fruit but spent a quarter of his time alone and bedridden by his own choosing. Hoi! He was a sad fruit, after all! The king banished him from the village.

“Smell yourself outta here, mate!” the king screamed, laughing and lofting cousin lemons at his face.
Later, on a spry morning, a young tonka bean prince galloped into town on a miniature dappled gray.
“I will be the smell of the kingdom,” the bean shouted to the village.

The king, bemused, asked unto him, “Dost thou maintain a decadent and addictive quality? Is concept of rarity and opulence lost upon you?”

The tonka bean, confused, nodded in the affirmative.

“Let it be so! The tonka bean is the smell of the land!” said the king.

On a hill, cast from the kingdom, Bergamot wept atop an olive tree and vowed revenge upon the king and the villagers. “Revenge!” he shouted.Jesus, eating an apple without using his hands, beckoned from below and eventually changed Bergamot’s mind, and it worked out.

“The Brother You Know”
A young boy moved forward from the crowd to test Jesus.

“My brother does not understand a word,” he said. “I told him you would know because you are Jesus.”

“What is the word?” Jesus asked. “If the word is ‘sin,’ I will tell you what it means; if the word is ‘pride,’ I can also give you the definition. But I am neither a dictionary nor a thesaurus. I am but a guy, boy. Lay it on me.”

The boy placed a finger upon his cheek and stared at the ground. He knew that his next action would change history henceforth.

“BunnyMuffin,” he mumbled.

Jesus flinched and recoiled. Growing angry with the interrupter, Jesus approached the child and firmly lifted the boy’s chin with his hand until their eyes met. “What did you just say there, buddy?”

Tears streamed down the child’s face as Jesus lifted him up by the neck. Terrified, the boy began screaming.

“BunnyMuffin! BunnyMuffin!” And upon the third recitation, a great cloud of dust enveloped the crowd. Through the haze, a rhythmic thumping could be heard as the devil rabbit of Thelema emerged from the mist. The crowd fled, and Jesus wept as the beast consumed him.

“The Cabaret Lady”
“Listen to this one,” Jesus said. The disciples leaned in closer.“There was a man standing on a corner at midnight, trying to get his courage up. He had been admiring a cabaret lady from a distance, lustingmightily as her body softly swayed to the smoky beat.”

“But Jesus,” a man spoke up from the crowd. “I, too, have watched the hustlers and the losers through the glass, often after closing time. I have seen the cabaret lady of which you speak; she is young and sweet.”

“And how did you feel at the time?” Jesus asked the man.

“Lonely and beat,” the man replied.

“And what should you do?”

“Drift back in time and find my feet?”

“Yes,” Jesus said, grabbing the man by the shoulders. “Main Street! Down on Main Street!”

A sad electric guitar riff echoed down from the mountains before electricity was invented.

“The Light”
“Be wary of the light, for it can burn your skin,” Jesus said. “Of all the light that lights, this light is more light than has been lighted before. I tell you the truth, the light is invisible under the watch of dark; it appears only when the light of day crescents the hillside. You must be ready for the light, for that is when work begins and leisure ceases. But understand this: As much light as light can be light can also be light light, light light light ..” And for 40 days, Jesus was stuck like a phonograph on the word “light.” The villagers offered food and water, but Jesus continued saying “light” until the morning he stopped. “Now, it’s your turn,” he said, and the villagers began saying the word “light” until they all perished.

“Fine, Then”
Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and he was sick of it. He finally turned to them and said:

“If you’re going to follow me, you need to carry the cross like I do. It’s simply not fair that you would expect me to carry all the burden myself. That’s the least you can do. You all are like golden retriever puppies up in my business all the time.”

Jesus started whistling and skipping up the dirt path. The followers attempted to do the same but were less agile and rhythmically blessed as Christ. As time passed, more of the followers gave up and went home. Only one man remained as Jesus approached his hut.

“Congratulations, you win a prize for keeping up with Jazzy Jesus.”

“Please,” the man said, “anything to remain. I have only danced and skipped for a fortnight, and my moves are not heavenly.”

“You get to be the master in charge of all the servants. Feed them, bathe them, and swabble them.”

Jesus tried to shut the door to his hut. The man placed a foot inside to block the door.

“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” the man exclaimed. “Before I go, I have one question. You mentioned the word ‘swabble’ just now. What does that mean, sir?”

“Beefs. If you got beefs with others, you swabble them.”

“Swabble the beefs, Lord?”

“Exactly,” Jesus said as he slammed the door behind him.

And so the man swabbled ..

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