I’m all about necessary juxtaposition. Instead of consuming only a specific type of media, I think it’s important to dabble around-books, newspapers (both left and right), blogs and real conversations with people who are smarter than you’ll ever be.
But I’m also a fan of levity. I use Twitter as a way to stay informed about what’s happening at the hyperlocal and national levels, but also to glean some much-needed comedy from some of the smartest and funniest people I’ve never met.
I have several columns on my TweetDeck, a sort of list to make Twitter into something manageable. I follow @POTUS (for laughs?), and next to it, I’ve got my list simply called “comedy.” It’s a rolling stream of tweets from 428 users that make me laugh until I throw up.
Here it is: Twitter accounts that make me throw up laughing.
I thought it might be fun to pull some of my favorite recent tweets from the list and post them below. These tweets range from the absurd to the bawdy. You might recognize some of the names, but many of these people are seemingly regular folks who just happen to be funny.
I’d like to think I’m sort of funny, but these people are INCREDIBLY funny.
Who are your favorite Twitter users? Let me know. Click on these tweets if you can. They’re all worth a closer look.
Every day is a gift, but lots of them are cheap promotional gifts, like cup holders
– donni saphire (@donni) July 6, 2017
THE COOL GUY’S GUIDE TO ASKING FOR A PLUNGER IN ANY SITUATION WHILE BEING COOL pic.twitter.com/23tYYlRWCA
– Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) September 1, 2016
I haven’t tweeted in three years. I was waiting for this to happen. pic.twitter.com/8xzESmTXx9
– Emily Best (@emilymaud) July 1, 2017
I NEED TO KNOW WHY EVERYONE SAID I COULD SAVE MONEY BRINGIN LUNCH TO WORK ITS 9:43 I ATE THE LUNCH NOW I HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER LUNCH FOR LUNCH pic.twitter.com/hKd6p2AaiA
– beth mccoll (@imteddybless) July 3, 2017
Hello, I’m Woofred Brimley, and I’d like to talk to you about dogabeetus pic.twitter.com/zapRRpD29C
– markydoodoo (@markydoodoo) July 1, 2017
This is the best man I have ever seen on HGTV. pic.twitter.com/e9nXyCLdFf
– bobby finger (@bobbyfinger) July 1, 2017
when I was 16 my parents commissioned my grandad to paint a portrait of me to raise my self esteem. It did not. pic.twitter.com/eACumc3YsI
– miller high lives (@squierzz) June 12, 2017
My mom gave my dog at home the worst haircut of all time. She looks like a bag boy from the checkout lane at a grocery store. pic.twitter.com/dJ9SbXaizM
– ; (@Gutierrezmadai_) June 1, 2017
*eddie vedder voice* pic.twitter.com/7BpXpgr1Uc
– Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 28, 2017
just wanna let everyone know martha stewart has a pony named “Ben Chunch” pic.twitter.com/5XC9mt28Bq
– bobby (@bobby) June 4, 2017
Little boy next to me on this flight is crying louder than I am but not for long
– AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) June 26, 2017
I am finally able to exist alongside birds with relative ease
– Brendan O’Hare (@brendohare) June 25, 2017
“Sweet dreams you piece of shit.” I try to snap the prison guard’s neck but just make him look to the left very quickly.
– vineyille (@vineyille) January 21, 2017
RANCHER: We got us about 6,000 head of cattle
ME: *chewing on wheat stalk* I reckon I got me about one head of dog at ho-*chokes on wheat*
– Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) June 21, 2017
new app ideas:
1) eBay but for Uber
2) Air B&B but for Yelp
3) Instagram but for film cameras
4) one that generates these infinitely
– Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) June 19, 2017
The story of the Grimace pic.twitter.com/E06JsohEsc
– Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) April 30, 2017
I’m like shakiras hips but if they lied
– crap (@Karate_Horse) June 16, 2017
I gracefully slipped away from the mall walking group, as Doris’ left shoe was producing a rude noise.
– Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) June 15, 2017
If you climb a ladder at The Home Depot, you get to meet the manager.
– ????????? (@topaz_kell) June 12, 2017
MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING APPLEBEES
MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING DIAMONDS
AND NEXT WE COME FOR GOD
– NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) June 13, 2017
I bet the guy who invented the worlds smallest violin hates that his beautiful instrument is only ever played to mock people who are sad.
– MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) June 1, 2017
My new favorite thing to do is text people “u up?” in the middle of the day.
– Kelly Ryan (@KayArePea) June 11, 2017
got fired from my catering job for putting a la carte before the hors d’oeuvres
– your new dad (@G_Faylor) June 10, 2017
NURSE: What’s your blood type?
ME: Oh, I’m not picky. I’ll drink any kind.
– Floyd (@dafloydsta) June 8, 2017
For a moment I thought it was Saturday, but then I realized it’s actually Sunday. The good news is now I have a story to tell at parties
– Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) June 5, 2017
Whole Foods Cashier: You have your reusable bags?
*wave of boos from shoppers*
*a toddler with a hyphenated 1st name spits on me*
– ??ack (@Mr_Kapowski) May 30, 2017
I hate when a tweet is just screenshots packed wth text but I promise you they’re worth it. pic.twitter.com/gM4FpLCL5t
– warrior cop (@wyatt_privilege) May 30, 2017
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