As prepares for a move-don’t worry, we’re not moving far-I had to finish the week by cleaning out my desk. As expected, it was a hoarder’s nightmare, filled with random dishware, CDs and books, and a variety of other items I thought were worth hanging on to for posterity’s sake.

I thought it might be fun to look through some of these items and remember their origins. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found in and around your desk at work?

Here are some things I found in the pile.


My most-read column
I’m not proud of my 2012 column “Five Ways to Determine if She Is a Prostitute,” but I am proud of its evergreen quality. The article never dies. Because it’s easily my most-read column-it gets dozens of clicks every night, thanks to Google searches-my co-workers decided to give me a framable print to commemorate my achievement. I plan to hang it up in my next office, but for now, I’ll keep it tucked away. Just ask her, by the way. That’s how you can tell.

Blue balls
These are probably “magic” blue balls. I remember one of my co-workers gave me one of those magic sets you can get at Barnes & Noble as a gag birthday gift. I’ve since lost the set, but for some reason, I decided to keep these blue balls. That’s the entire story.

Birthday balloons
This past April,’s digital ad manager, Khloe, decorated my desk with balloons before I came to work. How sweet was that? I guess I thought I’d better hang on to these latex balloons. There was also a “happy birthday” banner that I found in a pile near my desk. It fell after she put it up. I accused her of not even trying to hang it properly, so we don’t celebrate office birthdays with decorations anymore. I ruined it.

“Gone Squatchin” koozie
ChloĆ© Morrison visited Portland, Oregon, a year or so ago for vacation. I asked her to bring me “something Bigfoot-related” back, and this was my gift. I’d forgotten about it until I found it at the bottom of a burlap bag in my desk drawer. It will now be my koozie of choice. I’m a champion of Bigfoot and have written several columns about him, including “Five Reasons Bigfoot ABSOLUTELY Exists.” We’ll find him one day. Mark my words.

Editor’s note:It was actually me, Sean’s editor, who got him this koozie, when I visited Seattle about two and a half years ago. Since he buried it in his desk and didn’t even remember the sentiment, let’s see if he gets anything from me next time I go on vacation.

Lochlainn Seabrook’s“UFOs and Aliens: The Complete Guidebook”
As a reporter who covers strange stuff from time to time, I always get email inquiries from publishers asking me to review books. The only one that has ever caught my eye was this book by Lochlainn Seabrook. How awesome is that name? The book is, frankly, ridiculous. It contains hundreds of “UFO factoids” throughout, such as “If one day your car, TV, lights, computer or phone shut off for no reason, there may be a UFO in your area.” Chapters include “Becoming a Ufologist,” “UFOs are Real: The Evidence” and “Black Suits, Black Cars: Meet the MIB.” Please buy this book and enjoy it as much as I haven’t.

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